This is Courage: December 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Fucking year.

I've just realized it's been a year. And as I look at my previous posts, I'm still bitter, not at you, but I'm still drunk. I'm not sober. I'm still lost, in shock, in something that has drifted so far, I dunno what it is. I still do the same routine, I still check on you.

Only difference, I'm supporting myself, I smoke more, I drink much more. I drink so much it's become a habit. It may seem more than a year, but I lost hope for a year. I tried to let go and see if you did a year back. You did. I still had hope, for another more than half a year. I didn't change. But I couldn't recognized you and the things you say. But I think its me, and how fucked up a person I am?

I know it doesn't matter anymore. You've moved on, I accepted the fact unwillingly, but I still accepted it. But my heart didn't move on. It's still stuck 2 years back, and I can't find it anymore. I'm not a wastrel, I'm not a loser. I'm not an emo shit, I'm still the same me. Things I do keep me going forward. I still have those dudes around that are worth it, but there's something they can't fill.

But it really doesn't matter right now, because that part is gone. I sincerely have no demands from you right now. It's enough talking to you from 2 years ago, in a frame right beside my bed hanging on the wall. I couldn't take it out. Even if other girls saw, I still can't.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favourite parts? We'll skip the goodbyes. If I had it my way, I'll turn the clock around. and way, I'll turn the clock around, and runway, just you and I.